Why does a woman need a married lover. How a man treats his mistress in psychology

What drives girls and women to become the lover of a married man? Love, sober calculation or the hopelessness of loneliness? Each woman has her own motivation, prompting to decide on such a step, therefore, her own psychology.
Based on practice, psychologists argue that most of the mistresses are divided into three main categories: women who fell in love with a married man, women decided to have a relationship with a married man from loneliness, women who, for one reason or another, deliberately went to create a love triangle.

Love is evil, love a married man

I saw and fell in love at first sight, as it turned out, in a married man. She believed that he reciprocated. Previously, she herself condemned such women, but she cannot control herself; attracts to him, despite all the prohibitions. For the first few months, a loving woman enjoys her love without thinking about the future and the current situation. Over time, she begins to be oppressed by the fact that the man is trying to hide his relationship with her from colleagues, friends and acquaintances; feels humiliation when it is necessary to hide so that the wife does not find out about her husband's betrayal. She is offended that, due to his family circumstances, the long-awaited meetings have to be canceled. The whole life of such a mistress begins to take shape in endless hours of waiting, which brings her to despair.

A loving mistress is constantly tormented by doubts and tormented by her conscience, which does evil for his family and children. At the same time, she never ceases to hope that the man will leave his wife. At times, the degree of expectation reaches a critical point. She begins to harass herself and the man with questions about when he will get divorced and they will get married. Sometimes the mistress tries to seek a meeting with the wife of her beloved in order to ask her to let her husband go.

Usually a man does not approve of this behavior.... Having received a charge of love adrenaline, he goes to the family to the children and his lawful wife, and the frequent reproaches and quarrels inevitably lead to a break.

Mistress from loneliness

There are many reasons for a single girl to become a lover of a married woman. Years go by, monotonous workdays do not see the end in sight, and personal life does not add up. All her friends have been married for a long time, and she has no one to while away lonely evenings with. I would like to have a reliable man's shoulder and gentle hands nearby that can warm and comfort. Over the years, the need to feel the joy of intimacy with a man becomes more acute.

Usually there are not many single men in the “field of vision” of single girls. Therefore, she believes that one should not miss the chance if a married one drew attention to her. We must be comforted by what we have. At first, his mistress is satisfied with his attention: gifts, flowers and romantic dates... Over time, rare meetings become not enough, and spending weekends and holidays being alone is very hard and upsetting. She begins to be jealous of her lover for his wife, to reproach and accuse him that he is in no hurry to associate life with her. She really wants to get married and have a normal family. The fear of the impending loneliness settles in her mind. The consequence of this is apathy, depression, a fall in one's own self-esteem. After all, the promises that the lover made are usually not fulfilled.

The psychology of a divorced woman is somewhat different. After an unsuccessful marriage, she wants to feel loved and desired again, to find a stimulus for life: to be successful and attractive. In addition, she is driven by a desire to take revenge on her ex-spouse and prove to him that she is popular with men. Let him know what treasure he has lost. A divorced woman understands that it is unrealistic to make plans for the future with a married lover. She is satisfied with such a relationship. She will not reproach her lover for rushing from her to his family, but will try to prolong the relationship as long as possible. But if suddenly her connection with a married admirer develops into love, it brings suffering and becomes dangerous for the woman's psyche.

Mistress of convenience

A woman who becomes a lover of convenience proudly calls herself a bitch. This is her way and lifestyle. Such behavior adds adrenaline to life, makes it more intense and interesting. Such a woman is more busy with her career and does not plan to marry and have children in the foreseeable future. But she does not refuse a love passion for the opposite sex. On the contrary, considering herself a real predator, she chooses a man as a victim and by any means achieves him. She usually doesn't care that a man has a family and small children. Often their bosses come under the gun of such a woman.

Knowing that the boss's wife is busy all day raising children and pays less attention to her husband, she outlines a plan of action to brighten up his monotonous life. And she often succeeds. The boss falls into the "outstretched nets" of his subordinate and she becomes his mistress. Having achieved her goal, such a woman appreciates her position. She fills her partner's life with a manifestation of passionate feelings and she herself enjoys. The mistress does not compromise the man, on the contrary, she tries to prevent her colleagues and family from knowing about their closeness. She knows that their relationship may end sooner or later and does not require anything from a partner.

A lover of convenience does not stoop to hysterics, she is always polite, restrained in her judgments and self-confident. She always tries to be well-groomed, beautiful, stylishly dressed. Such a mistress is sure that she is more beautiful and smarter than his wife, but she will never tell her partner badly about her; He does not ask him for anything, but he takes all his presents for granted. When she sees that a man's feelings are cooling down, she herself may propose to end the relationship.

At a young age, almost all girls dream of marriage with an ideal, loving and beloved man. However, having matured, we understand that life circumstances make their own adjustments to our plans and dreams, and it is possible that it is that long-awaited and only person who is already in legal marriage... To agree to the role of the mistress of a married man or not is everyone's personal business. However, when building your romance with a non-free person, it is important to understand that these relationships are slightly different from those that our imagination draws. To understand what men are looking for in a novel on the side, psychologists conducted a mass survey and identified 10 signs of the ideal lover of a married man.

So, let's try to understand who is she - the ideal lover in the opinion of men?

1. She looks good

Many men begin to cheat on their wives because of dissatisfaction with their appearance. This is not surprising, because, unfortunately, women age earlier than men. However, in their mistresses, men want to see a living embodiment of their dreams. Regardless of natural external data, a lover should always look well-groomed, stylish and attractive.

2. She should be fun

Over the years of family life, spouses plunge headlong into everyday life, raising children and caring for material well-being, while losing that aura of romance, lightness and fun that bound them at the beginning of the relationship. It is the lack of this link that often becomes the reason why men decide on a relationship with their mistress. Accordingly, in their chosen one, they want to see not a woman tired of life, but an easy muse, in whose arms one can forget about everyday worries.

3. She treats him like a hero

Few spouses manage to live their lives avoiding quarrels, conflicts and reproaches towards each other. Having lived together for several years, the wife, like no one else, knows all the weaknesses and shortcomings of her husband, while in the eyes of his mistress, a man becomes a hero and an ideal partner. It is this attitude, filled with romance, admiration and respect, that keeps married men around their mistresses.

4. She is self-sufficient and confident.

According to men, the ideal lover is a woman who loves and respects herself. In addition to a relationship with a non-free person, she has her own life, filled with various events, achievements and adventures. She does not put romance above all else, devoting a lot of time to her development and her hobbies.

5. She does not reproach or make scandals

In relationships on the side, men are looking for a holiday, ease and an opportunity to take a break from everyday worries. To maintain such a romance, you should not make any demands on your partner. And even more, there is no need to reproach him for a lack of attention, since these reproaches will make him feel guilty, and very soon the man will get tired of being torn between his family and his mistress.

6. She does not claim his freedom

Starting a relationship with a married man, initially a woman must understand that she cannot claim his entire life. This man has a family and daily duties associated with it, but when meeting with his mistress, he wants to forget about them. Therefore, any questions related to his family life, as well as plans for the future, will cause him unpleasant emotions.

7. She does not claim a joint future

Perhaps, in fact, everything is somewhat different and the mistress secretly hopes that sooner or later her partner will divorce her unloved wife and stay with her, but such thoughts in no case should be shown to a married man. A good lover should conduct a conversation without affecting plans for the future, as well as bypassing conversations about his family life.

8. She doesn't die of love

Of course, every man dreams of becoming an object of fiery and sincere love... However, young ladies who are too in love, ready for anything for the sake of their loved one, are hardly suitable for the role of mistresses. The fact is that excessive love on the part of his mistress will impose a burden of responsibility on the man, which he probably will not want to bear. Relationships of this format should be based on common sense. It is very good when both partners understand that their romance is based on mutual sympathy in the present, and its development in the future is not an obligatory goal.

9. She is outspoken and unpredictable

Another common reason men have mistresses is dissatisfaction in bed. Not all women are ready to experiment and embody their deepest fantasies in reality. However, excessive modesty is forgivable for the wife, but not for the mistress. A lady of the heart should bring a holiday to a man, surprising and striking the imagination.

10. She acts like his wife doesn't exist

Talking about family life, and especially about the spouse of a married man, should become taboo in a relationship. A good mistress should try to forget that her chosen one has a legal spouse. You can build relationships on passion, mutual hobbies and sympathy for each other, dissolving at the same time in momentary happiness and not looking into the future. And, of course, the ideal lover will never put an ultimatum in front of her partner - either me or she.

Married men want their romance to resemble a game with clearly established rules and laws, which develops in parallel with their family life and does not interfere with everyday life. But this game should bring joy to both players, so the relationship of this format should last as long as it suits the partners. In addition, even at the beginning of the novel, you need to accustom yourself to the idea that such a relationship very rarely has a perspective and the possibility of developing into something more than an ordinary intrigue. And even if an affair with married man and will develop, this development will not be able to pass easily and painlessly.

Often, the psychology of relationships between married lovers is due to the lack of continuation. The desire to get closer to people burdened by marriage is explained by the unwillingness to leave their own family. After all, the emergence of a free partner imposes responsibility for the further development of communication.

The general reasons for the appearance of third-party sexual affairs with unfree people reveals three main aspects: sex, romance, communication.

Previously enchanting sex gradually becomes monotonous. Physical intimacy becomes boring, the mysterious act of love becomes an ordinary conjugal duty.

Wise wives try to bring novelty, invent different ways diversify the intimate sphere. However, often attempts to awaken the former passion end in failure. The emotional level remains the same. Having lost interest, the spouses start third-party affairs.

Another sexual partner gives vivid sexual sensations, brings a previously unknown experience. Third-party connections are attracted by the opportunity to experience the diversity of sex. Physical contact helps to experience positive emotions, the joy of discovery. There is a feeling of unknown, there is a desire to experiment.

Lack of romance

Initially, relationships are always pleasing with romance. Lovers are worried, trying to seem better. The admirer diligently looks after: gives flowers, gifts, various pleasant trifles, dinners - he tries in every possible way to please the lady of the heart. The chosen one also maintains a loving atmosphere: satisfied romantic evenings, always looks perfect, prepares surprises.

The period of cohabitation comes. Relationships gradually get boring. The spouse begins to attach more importance to the household, less appearance... The spouse ceases to give the beloved pleasure in petty romantic pleasures. The daily routine covers the young couple.

Romance is a necessary part of married life.

The cessation of romantic courtship creates the impression of the extinction of the past. tender feelings... Thoughts are clouded. The desire to fall in love again arises, because strangers seem much more romantic.

The emergence of a new object of admiration is exciting. There is a desire to impress, please, surprise. Emotions flare up again. A person needs to maintain the feeling of "butterflies".

Lack of communication

Simple human communication is also necessary for people who have been married for a long time. At first, lovers communicate a lot. Trying to please the interlocutor, they try to impress each other: they support uninteresting topics in every possible way, nod, feigning understanding, and tell various interesting stories.

Starting to live together, the spouses gradually reduce communication to a discussion of exclusively domestic issues. The partner's inner experiences are less important. The time of incessant spiritual conversations is over. However, the need to share impressions, express feelings, and discuss significant personal topics remained.

Colleagues often become newly elected interlocutors. The employee can compensate for the lack of communication. A sweet heart-to-heart conversation can turn into an office romance. Interest in the inner world gives rise to sexual attraction. It seems that the colleague understands perfectly, shares feelings, can console.

Why does a married man need a married lover

Having acquired a married passion, the husband is not guided by the intention to change his wife. The unfaithful chosen one understands that a woman burdened by marriage bonds least of all needs a scandal. Usually, the unfaithful spouse also fears the destruction of the marriage. Relationships of unfree people often do not imply the creation of a new family.

Married lovers are allowed to give relatively less care. Free darlings begin to make demands. Having the opportunity to see a fan more often, an unmarried passion extorts constant attention. Therefore, a ringed mistress is much more convenient. It is not at all necessary to look after, talk, give warmth. The responsibility to make the wife happy belongs to the legal husband. The main task of the admirer is to give sexual satisfaction.

Self-affirmation is another important reason.

Representatives of the stronger sex are looking for any reason to compete. Men are flattered by the likelihood of getting the woman they want. Delivering pleasure to someone else's wife gives a feeling of superiority over a legitimate husband. This is the way of self-affirmation - to feel your own worth.

Sometimes the husband gets tired of playing the role of the head of the social unit. Fulfilling the obligations of a family breadwinner is sometimes tiresome. A tired spouse wants ordinary support. A young lover is more often an expensive toy than an understanding friend. Therefore, cheaters prefer experienced wise women capable of realizing a lot. Often, sensible persons who have received some life experience are married. The main criterion is the personal qualities of the newly elected passion, and not the status of marital status.

Someone else's wife will rarely try on a temporary man for the role of the next husband. Thus, the cheating spouse is insured. A married passion usually wants to save her own marriage. The risk of destroying several families at the same time scares both. That's why married mistress a married man can cause a minimum of unpleasant consequences.

There is no need to give expensive gifts... First, pampering a wife befits a legitimate husband. Secondly, it is difficult to explain to the spouse the origin of the things that have appeared. Soon after a short admiring of an expensive present, an autopsy of the deception will follow.

Relationships between married lovers are kept secret. Those wishing to save families need to be extremely careful. Fearing exposure, married lovers and mistresses guarantee mutual maximum confidentiality. The same dangerous situation ensures mutual consistency of actions.

Why does a married woman need a married lover

The psychology of interpersonal relations partly explains the behavior of a married mistress. This type of intimate relationship helps to avoid misunderstandings.

Usually cheaters pursue the same goal - a short-term romance that is unable to destroy the marriage.

Refusal to develop extramarital relationships discourages the desire to have a free guy who requires a continuation.

The presence of a non-free gentleman helps to save time. There is no need to explain the inability to meet too often. A free spouse may want to spend more time together. Therefore, you can easily let him go home immediately after physical intimacy.

Lack of family obligations also favors the emergence of a busy gentleman. A married passion has enough family responsibilities at home. The legal wife will have to feed, clean, wash and iron. Lovers can only have fun. Romance is not overshadowed by everyday issues. The secret connection is constantly accompanied by extremely pleasant moments.

Many women consider married men to be experienced lovers. Lacking sexual satisfaction in marriage, desperate wives hope to experience pleasure in the arms of a ringed seducer. There is no need to educate a knowledgeable sexual partner. In addition, he also wants new sensations. He is also tired of monotonous marital sex, so the chosen one tries to give the new passion maximum pleasure.

Some of the fairer sex also enjoys seducing other people's companions. The nature of the predator causes an irresistible desire to take possession of busy husbands. A peculiar game gives the temptress pleasure. She feels a surge of energy, self-esteem rises. An outside relationship with someone's spouse exalts the seducer in his own eyes.

Many different reasons for having an unfree sexual partner are complemented by a minimal risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections. A family man, albeit an unfaithful one, usually maintains cleanliness. Various diseases are conducive to the exposure of adultery, so volatile husbands monitor sexual health.

Prospects for the development of the novel

Having fallen in love, a married lover and a married woman whose behavioral psychology did not imply the development of a relationship, risk falling in love seriously. A minor affair is sometimes fraught with the destruction of two families. Moreover, the decision to disperse is not always justified. Sometimes it seems to lovers that having abandoned their previous spouses, they will be able to find real happiness. However, in reality, good sexual partners often turn out to be completely incompatible in everyday life.

In addition, divorce is preceded by an agonizing solution to a dilemma: marriage or "fabulous" love. However, the long-awaited passion quickly disappoints. A romantic previously chosen one, who seems to be the hero of a love story, is quite ordinary, no better than a former spouse. The same goes for men's ideas about a mistress.

It seems that a secret romance can last forever. However, according to statistics, such a relationship lasts about 3 years. Then comes an understanding of the real value of the family. Having gained useful experience, having made a mistake, cheaters begin to value legal partners more. Having realized the mistakes, the spouses who have stumbled try to strengthen the marriage union.

Conclusion

The psychology of relationships between legally married lovers can explain the changeable behavior of spouses. However, it is worth thinking three times before starting a third-party connection. The outcome of such intrigues is fraught with the destruction of not one family, but two at once. In addition, children suffer. Therefore, it is advisable to analyze the possible consequences well. It is probably worth overestimating the importance of family ties by trying to renew old feelings.

Remember the movie What Women Want? It was there that the main character was lucky - he could read the thoughts of women and knew how to act correctly with them. It's a pity that you can't get into the heads of men and understand their thoughts - what they think about their mistresses.

Alas, none of the women has telepathy. But let's not get upset and just make a rating of their most frequent conclusions about love on the side. And it will be compiled thanks to a survey of the fornicators themselves. But there will be many contradictions with reality.

"She really loves sex"

Of course. There is a big difference between casual sex with a wife and a new relationship with a mistress. She is still trying her best, and intentionally, if she wants to lure a man to her side.

In women's circles, it is generally accepted that if a woman took a man out of the family, then she “took him in front”. Most often, in the initial relationship of lovers, this is so - after awesome sex with his mistress, a man is able to lose his head from passion.

Moreover, the mistress tries for someone else's husband with special sophistication:

She allows him a lot in bed, there is practically no monotony.

She "works" to its fullest, trying to fully satisfy him.

She always agrees, unlike his wife, who often has a headache.

If a mistress has her own insidious plans for a man, then of course she will try. It is not a fact that if a man goes over to her side, she will still remain the same "sexual maniac." She, too, may have a headache in the future, and she, too, can move from her erotic fantasies to a worker-peasant pose.

It is because of this delusion that married men are often jealous of their mistresses. And they are wondering whether it is worth destroying their family for the sake of a "maniac". Surprisingly, in such relationships, it is not young inexperienced guys who lose their heads more often, but men who are wise by age, leaving old wives and running over to young nymphets. You can read about this in the article.

"She's not going anywhere from me."

Another misconception of many men. The article describes state of mind"Average lover":

She is lonely and wants male love and affection, without requiring anything special in return, as he is afraid to frighten him off with a careless word or behavior.

She likes to surround her with the care of a loved one. Moreover, if a woman has no one at all, then that same unclaimed maternal instinct is turned on.

She tries to show herself better than his wife, so she tries to conjure up the dinner longer and dress herself better before the date.

If she really loves him, then she will show with every kind that he is her one and only. She still has a glimmer of hope that he will leave his family and go to live with her.

But she can still “go somewhere”. She is a living and free person, and therefore her real half can be found. She will get tired of being on the sidelines, and she will definitely “go away”, leaving sinful relationships in her past life.

"She is selfish and mercantile"

Do you remember the phrase from Chekhov's "Dowry":

I was looking for love and did not find! They looked at me and are looking at me as if it were fun! I have not found love - so I will look for gold!

Larisa Dmitrievna Ogudalova

Sometimes it really happens that women who are disappointed in love relationships are looking for a rich daddy to be with him. They do not like him, but for the sake of money they donate their bodies at night. Therefore, such a stereotype has developed that the mistress is the "milkmaid" of a wealthy man who needs gold-diamonds from him.

But in the case of the "average" single lover, the opposite is true. It is she who buys groceries for a romantic dinner with her own money, she knows how to choose a gift for him. Moreover, she will choose this gift with taste and according to his interests.

True, then these gifts "go sideways" for a married man. The given thing is like a challenge to the wife of her unfaithful person to bring confusion to their relationship when she notices it.

Watch an excerpt from the film "Autumn Marathon" as the main character twists in front of his wife, explaining the appearance of a new jacket, which his mistress gave him:

Still, any woman likes flowers and gifts from her lover. Generosity is a wonderful quality of a man, the main contribution to the soul of his passion in love. It is unlikely that a woman will have a desire to start a relationship with a miser who is not even capable of buying a chocolate bar.

Several examples are described when redneck on the part of the stronger sex knew no bounds. And it is precisely such men who believe that they cannot pull mistresses - they are mercantile, they say, bitches.

"She understands me"

Most often, the mistress is forced to listen to the boring monologue of the many complaints of the man in order to please him even more with her wisdom. Here is how one woman named Xenia, an “eternal” mistress from “average statistics”, says:

It is not clear where I found such men, but apparently possessed some kind of psychological magnetism. All the married men who were in my bed always complained about life, my wife, and my boss. I was mentally furious, but I nodded my head sympathetically and gave simple advice. Men left me satisfied in every sense - both sexually and morally.

Ksenia

Men can be understood somewhere and even reproached with hysterical wives who poison family life scandals. It is somehow not customary to go to personal psychologists in our country, so men sometimes tell their problems to their mistresses, in the hope that they will be understood and sympathized with, caress and soothe with sex. And this makes men come to their mistress many times.

"She is prettier and more well-groomed than his wife."

Husbands often forget how beautiful they married their spouse: with a gorgeous hairstyle and bright makeup... Often, over time, wives forget what cosmetics and a comb are on weekdays.

But mistresses have a good memory! They, unlike lazy wives, hide their everyday shapeless robe deeper in the closet so that it does not catch the eye of her lover, and paint every eyelash for a long time.

The lonely mistress has time for this. Since the time of meetings is limited, she can always appear in front of a man fully armed, redoing all her affairs without him. She has her own tricks:

He will not see her half-asleep face without makeup and puffiness of eyes after drinking champagne at a romantic dinner that she prepared for him herself.

He will not see how she, with her hair tied together, rips out her apartment in that very shapeless robe to invite him to her home.

He won't see her sweating on the treadmill to get fit, or wincing in pain on cosmetic procedures to look perfect.

Therefore, a man creates the illusion of an impeccable appearance and accuracy of his mistress, in contrast to his wife. But it is worth running over to him to a new sweetheart after several betrayals, and most likely the feelings will begin to fade.

He will understand that there is no magic in this woman, she also cannot, like ex-wife, transform in an instant from Cinderella into a princess. Life lowers the spouses from heaven to earth.

P.S

Now that you understand the thoughts of men, you can understand why they are so often drawn to the side. Therefore, we can draw the following conclusions:

It is very easy for a man to lose his head from passionate sex.

He needs understanding and moral support from a woman.

He demands the visual beauty of his beloved, without delving into the little things of life.

Thanks to these conclusions, the mistress can even more attract the man to her, and the wife, on the contrary, will try to change something in herself so that the husband does not mow to the left.